Stuck between two very large local ladies with a yard of wet fish draped across my legs, gave a moment to ponder on an extremely different day out that I had just enjoyed!
We had been filming a feature film (partly financed by C4) for about five months on location in Maputo, in the very lovely but battle scarred Mozambique. As happens on most features there sometimes comes a small problemette, a hiatus or in other words, 'The shit hits the fan' and the company needed 'time out'. So the Brazilian Production Manager said, “Be a good 1st Assistant Director and organise the foreign crew a fun day out and I will give the locals paid leave whilst things are sorted out”.
The total crew of 200 was very large but the foreign contingent consisted of Kenyans, Zimbabweans, French, South African, English, Irish, Brazilian, and American. The language of the 'Set' was Portuguese, French and English, but that in itself was another story!
So I set about planning a day out, away from Maputo, in a very different environment, that I hoped, would let them all enjoy themselves and forget about filming for the time being. The plan was to take a trip aboard a large public water bus that would take us down to the mouth of the river and on to an idyllic island where there were wonderful golden beaches, lovely coves and most importantly a great fish restaurant. The sun decided to make the day as perfect as possible and as I went down to the harbour, my spirit was high in spite of a few deserters. For example: the Brazilian Director of Photography said, “I don't want to be away, when the politics are flying around in three languages”!
Finally we were on our way, our multicoloured, multiracial and multilingual crew, packed like a tin of Sardines aboard the boat. This was Sunday and everyone else in Maputo seems to have had the same idea. The two hour trip ended and we dropped anchor off this fantastic island, all started to dive of the boat and swim to the golden beach, anticipating the great day of pleasure to come.
Suddenly soldiers appeared and demanded to see everybody's papers. I began to have a premonition that things might be working out a little different to my plan. So before the soldiers stopped any of the crew without their passports – I went up to the Sgt. And said in my best Portuguese, “I am looking forward to a wonderful Sunday on your lovely island”. It was as if I had dropped a bomb. “What!? No papers” said the Sgt. “Arrest them all”. “Take them to jail and I'll phone HQ”. No amount of pleading could change his mind. We tramped up the beach surrounded by an armed guard, towards the middle of the island and he explained that he had been alerted about a South African commando group that might try to infiltrate his position and take the Island. I looked at my motley crew plus French lead Alex Defcaf and the two new actor arrivals from the UK, Peter Postlethwaite and Struan Rodger. Nothing I thought could look less than a commando group. The gorgeous South African continuity girl in her bikini meanwhile whispered in my ear for me to remember she wanted me to say she was French. A soldier and the female Sound Mixer from England were having a discussion in broken Portuguese, on the merits of various famous Alto Sax players. The Sgt. Pointed at the black French Actor and demanded as to why he did not speak Portuguese – “He is a Parisian” I said, which seemed to satisfy him! I quickly got my cast and crew into a group and told the Sgt. we would not enter his dark, damp jail but would sit in a group outside in the sun, under guard while he phoned his HQ. Speaking to my group in their various languages, telling them that the company would buy them the best lunch possible in the restaurant to make up for their spoilt day! The Sgt. began to be more confused and said. “”I'm beginning to believe you, as I cannot imagine a 'guerrilla group' not being able to speak the same language”. A soldier was chatting up the black accountant from Kenya and though she only spoke English, they seemed to be getting on splendidly. All this time there had not been one whinge from any of the cast or crew even though their day out was passing by fast. All were communicating in some friendly way or other and the soldier's discipline went out the window as all started mingling outside the jail.
Finally the Sgt. got word: HQ asked “Were the people very strange? Yes” said the Sgt. “Then it really is a film crew “said HQ. From then on things got better and better. The Soldiers escorted us to the best beach via the restaurant for us to place our order for a magnificent lunch courtesy of the film company.
So after a rather strange start, we had some great swimming in that clear blue water, followed by an awesome fish lunch, washed down by very good white wine. Then back to boat, sailing homewards as a fantastic African sunset spread across sky. The motley band were all over the boat, enjoying themselves in their different ways ; while I was sitting quietly in the stern surrounded by a group of large local women. They squashed all around me, and I of course, had to help when one of them needed to feed her baby – So that's how I came to have a large fish across my knees as the boat docked. The cast and crew went passed me, as I held the fish and the baby and I heard a voice remark; “I'd say that was definitely a different day out”.
About the author Tony Annis: Have camera will travel. Over the top but not yet over the hill. Past sixty five and still alive, my get up and go has not entirely got up and gone – like good whisky, I'm still going strong. Travelling through these global villages of ours is great adventure but to me it is the people that make this wonderful world, as well as the exotic places that I love to visit. See you over the next horizon, Tony.