We are sorry to say that Mac is not very well, but he is still e-mailing strong and recently sent the Beetle a collection of travel book reviews and things that caught his eye.

From Book Holidays In Hell by P. J. O Rourke. P. J. O Rourke is currently the White House correspondent from Rolling Stones magazine (l988.) Page ll: “There are worst pests than mainland Chinese taking Frigidaires home on the plane.”

Commodore Hotel in Beirut, Lebanon where correspondents hang out: “Get a room away from the pool. It’s harder to hit that side of the building with artillery. Rates are about fifty dollars a night. They’ll convert your bar bill to laundry charges if you’re on an expense account.”

Page 15: “The wise traveller will pack shirts or blouses with ample breast pockets. Reaching inside a jacket for your passport looks too much like going for the draw and puts armed men out of continence”

Page 16. “West Beirut can be toured on foot. — “There’s a lot of jewellery and make-up and the silliest Italian designer jeans on earth. They’re rushing from one place to another in order to sit around drinking hundreds of tiny cups of Turkish coffee and chat at the top of their lungs. The entire economy is fuelled so far as I can see by everyone selling cartons of smuggled Marlboros to each other.”

Page 17. “The Old American Embassy is here in the same state as U.S. Middle East policy.” On kidnapping – “If nabbed, make as much noise as possible (this is where the whistle I carry might come in handy.) Do not get in someone’s car. If forced in, attack the driver. At least that is what I am told.”

Page 23. “Welcome to Lebanon” said the Israeli captain. He read my credentials and smiled. “Tourism?” “Yes” I said, “I’m the only tourist in Lebanon.” The captain laughed. “Oh, no you’re not. I’m a reservist, you know, and this is my vacation too.”

Page 29. “My answer to everyone was that President Reagan wasn’t sure why he sent the Marines to Lebanon. However, he was determined to keep them here until he figured it out, but then he forgot.”

Page 35. “The Syrian army has dozens of silly hats, mostly berets in yellow, orange and shocking pink, but also tiny pillbox chapeaux, peaked officer’s caps and half a foot of gold braid up the front and lumpy Russian helmets, three sizes too large. The paratroopers wear shiny gold jumpsuits and crack commando units have skin-tight fatigues in a camouflage pattern of violet, peach, flesh tone and vermilion on a background of vivid purple (good camouflage Ha!)

On Korea, page 46: “I was overwhelmed by the amazing stink of kimchi, the garlic and hot pepper sauerkraut that’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner in Korea. Its odour rises —eyeglass fogging kimchi breath, throat searing kimchi burps and terrible pants-splitting kimchi Farts.”

And here is a guide to frequently used hotel terms (and their real meaning):

Guide to Hotel Terms

• All the amenities – free shower cap.
• Aristocratic – needs renovation.
• Gentle Breezes – gale-force winds.
• Picturesque – theme park or mystery house nearby.
• Carefree natives – terrible service.
• Bustling metropolis- thousands of hostile locals.
• Airy – no air conditioning.
• Brisk – freezing.
• Off the Beaten Path -people have stopped coming here.
• Remote- People never came.
• Standard – Substandard.
• Superior – free shower.
• Undiscovered -not worth discovering.
• Authentic native dishes- inedible but cheap.
• Playground of the stars – Regis Toomey once stayed here.
• If you like being pampered -you can get waited on.
• Exquisite cuisine – limited menu.