After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a Flight Attendant on a Northwest flight announced

“Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”.

From a Southwest Airlines employee:

“Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.”.