Chinese marriage was systemized into custom in the Warring States period (402-221 B.C.). Due to the vast expanse and long history, there are different customs to follow in different places, although they are generally the same. Visitors still get chances to witness traditional marriages in the countryside.
In the ancient times, it was very important to follow a basic principle of Three Letters And Six Etiquettes, since they were essential to a marriage.
Three letters include Betrothal Letter, Gift Letter and Wedding Letter. Betrothal Letter is the formal document of the engagement, a must in a marriage. Then, a gift letter is necessary, which will be sent to the girl's family, listing types and quantity of gifts for the wedding once both parties accept the marriage. While the Wedding Letter refers to the document which will be prepared and presented to the bride's family on the day of the wedding to confirm and commemorate the formal acceptance of the bride into the bridegroom's family.
Six Etiquettes
Proposing: If an unmarried boy's parents identify a girl as their future daughter-in-law, then they will find a matchmaker. Proposal used to be practiced by a matchmaker. The matchmaker will formally present his or her client's request to the identified girl's parents.
Birthday matching: If the potential bride's parents do not object to the marriage, the matchmaker will ask for the girl's birthday and birth hour record to assure the compatibility of the potential bride and bridegroom. If the couple's birthdays and birth hours do not conflict according to astrology, the marriage will step into the next stage. Once there is any conflict, meaning the marriage will bring disasters to the boy's family or the girl's, the proposed marriage stops.
Presenting betrothal gifts: Once birthdays match, the bridegroom's family will then arrange the matchmaker to present betrothal gifts, enclosing the betrothal letter, to the bride's family.
Presenting wedding gifts: After the betrothal letter and betrothal gifts are accepted, the bridegroom's family will later formally send wedding gifts to the bride's family. Usually, gifts may include tea, lotus seeds, longan, red beans, green beans, red dates, nutmeg, oranges, pomegranate, lily, bridal cakes, coconuts, wine, red hair braid, money box and other stuff, depending on local customs and family wealth.
Picking a wedding date: An astrologist or astrology book will be consulted to select an auspicious date to hold the wedding ceremony.
Wedding ceremony: On the selected day, the bridegroom departures with a troop of escorts and musicians, playing happy music all the way to the bride's home. After the bride is escorted to the bridegroom's home, the wedding ceremony begins.
Different from the West, the colour red dominates the traditional Chinese wedding. Chinese people tend to use or wear red to add a happy atmosphere to such a festive occasion.
At dawn on the wedding day, after a bath in water infused with grapefruit, the bride puts on new clothes and wears a pair of red shoes, waiting for the so called good luck woman to dress her hair in the style of a married woman. Her head will be covered with a red silk veil with tassels or bead strings that hang from the phoenix crown. She waits for her future husband to escort her home, with married women talking around her about how to act to be a good wife.
On the other hand, the bridegroom prepares himself to receive his wife. He gets capped and dressed in a long gown, red shoes and a red silk sash with a silk ball on his chest, the groom kneels at the ancestral altar as his father puts a cap decorated with cypress leaves on his head to declare his adulthood and his family responsibility.
Then the bridegroom sets out to receive his bride. Usually he is escorted by a crowd of his friends and musicians who play joyful tunes the entire trip. Dancing lions, if any, precede the troop. In ancient times, a bridal sedan chair (or a decorated donkey due to poverty or bad traffic) would be used to serve the bride. A child carries a bridal box among the people, reflecting the bridegroom's expectation to have a child in the near future.
The most interesting part of the reception really takes place at the doorstep of the bride's residence, heavily guarded by the bridesmaid or sisters of the bride. It is customary for the bridesmaid to give the bridegroom a difficult time before he is allowed to enter. Usually wisdom and courage and his friends will help the bridegroom to succeed in his “trial”. However, there is one more situation he has to negotiate with the bridesmaid and sisters of the bride – to distribute among them red packets containing money – in order to take his bride home.
Before the bride departs to the bridegroom's home, the good luck woman will lead her to the sedan chair. On her way to the chair, a sister of hers will shield her with a red parasol and another will throw rice at the sedan chair, at the back of which hangs a sieve and a metallic mirror that are believed to protect the bride from evil. The bride has to cry to show that she does not want to leave her parents.
Then firecrackers will be set off to drive away evil spirits as the bride sits into the sedan chair. All along the way people make great efforts to avoid any inauspicious influence. For instance, the sedan chair is heavily curtained to prevent the bride from seeing an unlucky sight, e.g. a widow, a well or even a cat. When the parading troop arrives at the bridegroom's, firecrackers will be set off to hail the bride's arrival. Before the sedan chair a red mat is placed so that the bride will not touch the bare earth. By the threshold a flaming stove and a saddle will be set up, the bride is required to sidestep or step over them to avoid evils.
The wedding ceremony is the focus of interest. The bride and bridegroom are led to the family altar, where the couple kowtows to Heaven and Earth, the family ancestors and parents successively. Then they bow to each other and are led to the bridal chamber. The ceremony proceeds under a director's prompts and applauses of the audience.
Then there will be a grand feast for relatives and those who help in the wedding. The newly wed couple will resume drinking wedding wine. Generally they are required to cross their arms to sip wine. They also will toast their guests. Guests voice their good wishes for the couple even though the bridegroom is trying to be humble while acting embarrassed.
Teasing games in the bridal chamber: After night falls, the teasing games start. Usually all young men can participate except for the bride's married brothers-in-law. Those funny and silly games will ease the tension, since in ancient times the newlyweds never met each other before the wedding! Most of the games require the shy couple to act like wife and husband. The festive atmosphere also promotes closeness among all the family members and the community beyond. There also will be other activities conducted by the bridegroom's mother after the roaring laughter fades into the darkness.
Preparing the bridal bed: A good luck man, usually having a nice family, will help to install the bridal bed in the right place in the bridal chamber on a selected day before the wedding day. Before the wedding, a good luck woman will arrange the bridal bed and scatter symbolic and lucky fruits on the bed. Nobody is allowed to touch the bed until the couple enters the bridal chamber after the wedding ceremony. Children will then be invited onto the bed to bless fertility of the couple.
Dowry: Usually the bride's dowry shall be sent to the bridegroom's family by the day before the wedding day. Sometimes the bride’s escorts will bring the dowry. A traditional dowry normally consists of items such as jewellery, embroidered beddings, kitchen utensils and furniture. The type of the dowry is always changing except for the basic, symbolic items. For example, dozens of years ago, a sewing machine, a bicycle, and a recorder were musts in a marriage. Now, they are totally out of fashion.
Bride's Return: Traditionally, the newlyweds are to return to visit the bride's parents one or three days after the wedding. They will be hailed with a banquet, and it is the bridegroom's turn to suffer the well-intentioned teasing of the bride's relatives and friends.
Traditional marriage customs lost their popularity due to the collapse of feudal marriage customs and their complexity. However, traditional marriage can still be seen in the countryside, despite innovations. Now, traditional marriage customs are revived in some places, and they are attracting many prospective couples.
