This is not for the faint hearted: if you are a regular traveller on the London Underground, here are some facts that you are going to wish you hadn”t read.

During Autumn of 2000, a team of scientists at the Department of Forensics at University College London removed a row of passenger seats from a Central Line tube carriage for analysis into cleanliness. Despite London Underground”s claim that the interior of their trains are cleaned on a regular basis, the scientists made some alarming discoveries.

The analysis was broken down. This is what was found on the surface of the seats: 4 types of hair sample (human, mouse, rat, dog) 7 types of insect mostly fleas, mostly alive) vomit originating from at least 9 separate people human urine originating from at least 4 separate people human excrement rodent excrement human semen

When the seats were taken apart, they found: the remains of 6 mice the remains of 2 large rats 1 previously unheard of fungus It is estimated that by holding one of the armrests, you are transferring, to your body, the natural oils and sweat from as many as 400 different people. It is estimated that it is generally healthier to smoke five cigarettes a day than to travel for one hour a day on the London Underground.

It is far more hygienic to wipe your hand on the inside of a recently flushed toilet bowl before eating, than to wipe your hand on a London Underground seat before eating. It is estimated that, within London, more work sick-days are taken because of bugs picked up whilst travelling on the London Underground than for any other reason (including alcohol).

In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the grounds of a private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO,WE CAN HELP.

Write in and tell us your funny sign! Drop a line to the Beetle!Beetle@globetrotters.co.uk

Changi, Singapore: large, efficient, clean (good duty free) and looks great, what with the orchids and the waterfalls inside the airport

Aruba: clean, quiet and uncrowded

Denver: looks nice but crap shops

Landing strip at Kavak, Venezuela: a charming field – minimal environmental impact!

Heathrow: good shops for last minute forgotten item purchasing, can fly almost anywhere from it – downside it is horrible to get to and from, especially for early morning flights

The Stoat’s worst airports include:

Dar es Salaam – dirty, not many shops, expensive, sells 6 month old copies of the Economist

Local airport at Honiara: fly ridden, filthy and decidedly dodgy

Local airport at Vanuatu: same as Honiara

Write in and tell us your best airport nominations!Beetle@globetrotters.co.uk

Meeting news from our branches around the world.

Our first speaker was Phil Koniotes , who showed us some stunning glimpses of Antarctica. Phil explained that on his trip he had the great fortune to enjoy 4 sunny days, which is extremely rare and meant he was able to take some fantastic photographs. His pictures of icebergs, many of which come in strange shapes and spectacular proportions were breathtaking, particularly those of the aptly named Paradise Bay. His photo’s also covered the inquisitive penguins that inhabit this region, which come up to investigate their human visitors. Photos of the penguins included their nest building antics, which involves the penguins stealing pebbles from each other’s nests to build their own. Phil also told us about the Post Office which handles 40,000 cards each year, which depart with the prized Antarctic postmark. This was a fascinating talk with some superb photographs.

Our second speaker Mark Elliott came to Globetrotters rescue after our original speaker Juliet Coombe was involved in an accident in Australia and was unable to return to the United Kingdom. Mark’s talk was about the Kilum Forest in what he described as the most corrupt country on the planet, Cameroon, in West Africa. Mark’s mission had been to photograph the elusive Bannerman’s Turaco bird, which only lives in this part of the world. His photos took us via a local tribal war and a photocall with a local Chief. He showed us a local festival where the people dress in costumes and actually become that person or spirit, Mark discovered how literally they take this when one character relieved him of his umbrella, his neighbour explaining that this character was called “The thief!” Once up into the forest Mark and his guide trekked for a day and for one fleeting minute espied the elusive bird. His guide was ecstatic, despite living there, it was the first time in seven years even he had seen one.

London meetings are held at The Church of Scotland, Crown Court, behind the Fortune Theatre in Covent Garden at 2.30pm the first Saturday of each month. There is no London meeting in August, but we will be back on Saturday 1^st September. For more information, you can contact the Globetrotter Info line on +44 (0) 20 8674 6229, or visit the website:www.globetrotters.co.uk

Hello Globies! Our next meeting will be April 6th at The Wings Theater, 154 Christopher Street. 4:00pm sharp. We have yet, another exciting guest speaker. Mary Russell, an import coming over from Dublin to speak to us about her travel to the middle east, specificallyBaghdad and Damascus! Mary is a travel writer, whose latest book will be published by Simon and Schuster on June 1. Mary will be giving a slide talk to the London Globetrotters in June, and we get the sneak preview this April! Her books are “The Blessings of a Good Thick Skirt”, “Please Don”t Call it Soviet Georgia”, “Amazonian” and, in June: “Journeys of a Lifetime”. Mary has travelled to the Sahara and the Finnish Arctic, the Eastern Caribbean, Southern Africa, Moscow, Tbilisi, Dublin and Donegal.

Last year, she spent three months travelling around Syria on foot, by bike and local transport. Last November, Mary returned to Damascus and from there travelled overland to Baghdad. These two cities have strong historical ties and her slides and talk will be about both places, with up-to-day descriptions of what it”s like to travel in an Arab country. (She was also in Israel last year, obviously she has a great interest in the middle east!) Mary always travels solo and by shoestring. The last two chapters of her next book “Journeys of a Lifetime”, are about Syria.

New York meetings are held at The Wings Theater, 154 Christopher Street (btw Greenwich St and Washington St), to the right of Crunch Fitness, in the Archive on the first Saturday of each month at 4 pm. As always, $8.00 for members, $10.00 for non-members.

The last Toronto GT meeting was on Friday, March 15 at 8 p.m. at the Woodsworth Co-op Penthouse, (PH) 133 Wilton Street, Toronto. (Wilton is a very short E-W street south of and parallel to Esplanade, east of Jarvis – just around the corner from St. Lawrence Market). Presenter: Bruce Weber

Topic: “SAMPLER OF YUCATAN”

For information on Ontario meetings, please contact: Svatka Hermanek:shermanek@schulich.yorku.ca or Bruce Weber: tel. 416-203-0911 or Paul Webb: tel. 416-694-8259.

Meetings are held on the third Friday of January, March, May, September and November. Usually at the Woodsworth Co-op, Penthouse, 133, Wilton Street in downtown Toronto at 8.00 p.m.