Thanks go to Frank in the US for the following:

At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctor's office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. Hotel, Acapulco: THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.

Write in and tell us your funny sign! Drop a line to the Beetle!

When he's not tying his body into knots, Padmassana is a bit of a globetrotter on the quiet. Here are his nominations for best and worst airports:

Best:

1 Dubai: great facilities, clean, everything is so cheap and it is the only airport where you see Rolls Royce's and Ferraris inside!

2 Hong Kong: well organised, lots to do if your plane is delayed

3 Zurich: the escalators are constructed in such a way that you can wheel your trolley onto them and the wheels lock into place!

4 Tokyo: clean, well organised, the conveyor belt has traffic lights so not too much luggage is loaded on to it at any one time, so that bags don't fall off!

5 Moscow: the best for entertainment value – you have to guess which gate your plane leaves from and race there! (The Beetle would like to add this also happened to her at San Jose in Costa Rica airport too!)

Padmassana's worst airports included Luxor for bribery (the Beetle also experienced this after a diving holiday in the Red Sea. At Hurgahada the man who x-rayed luggage wanted a tip/bribe, as did the man who checked you in, as did the man who lifted your bags on to the conveyor belt to the storage place prior to the plane arriving), Goa where the conveyor belt chews your luggage, Islamabad where the customs official ate Padmassana's Milka bars, Guilin, in China, where the runway lights were switched off on final approach. Scary!!

Write in and tell us your best airport nominations! Contact the Beetle!

Meeting news from our branches around the world.

We had two excellent speakers in February! First was Alastair Lee who gave us a multi-dimensional view of his travels in China and his very close up views of climbing various horrifically vertical mountains in Northern Yunnan. He spoke of the friendships he and his girlfriend struck up with people who lived close by who were fascinated by some of his climbing equipment, the weather which looked like it was going to defeat them and entertained us with some great poses and a dancing finale! Alastair has published a fabulous climbing guide on New Zealand. Take a look at his web site: posingproductions.com

After the tea and coffee break, Ben Nimmo spoke of his cathartic pilgrimage complete with trombone from Canterbury to Santiago de Compostela, in Spain. He regaled us with hilarious tales of some of the larger than life characters he met en route, the amount of beer and wine he sampled, all out of a sense of duty and through a spirit of comradeship, of course, and in particular the story of how he became a god father to a little girl in France. Funny stories, great pictures, wonderful trip, Ben! Ben has written a highly moving and entertaining book called Pilgrim Snail documenting his pilgrimage. Pilgrim Snail is available now in bookshops and the following website fireandwater.co.uk and Ben's next book 'In Forkbeard's Wake' is out in January 2003.

Coming next, on Saturday 2nd March, we have Philip Koniotes talking about “The Antarctic Peninsular.” Philip has regularly travelled to the Arctic dog-sledding and has travelled extensively, including diving around the world and making five polar trips – the Antarctic has been his most recent journey. He loves the space and trying to capture it on film. After the break, Mark Elliott will be talking on “Saving Kilum Forest” set in NW Cameroon – about curious kingdoms and unique mountain forests. Mark is standing in for Juliet Coombe who is unable to attend the Globetrotter meeting due to a car accident in Australia. She is okay but not yet fit to fly

London meetings are held at The Church of Scotland, Crown Court, behind the Fortune Theatre in Covent Garden at 2.30pm the first Saturday of each month. There is no London meeting in August, but we will be back on Saturday 1^st September. For more information, you can contact the Globetrotter Info line on +44 (0) 20 8674 6229, or visit the website: www.globetrotters.co.uk

Hola from Laurie!

Our next meeting will be March 2, 2002. The usual: 4:00pm at the Wings Theater, 154 Christopher Street.

The subject is MEXICO! I will be in Mexico myself at the end of February but will be back in time for our March meeting… Matt Link is back again! And along with Gretchen Kelly, they will explain the interior of the Yucatan peninsula with an emphasis of staying at small villages near archeological sites in lieu of staying at the plastic, commercial areas like Cancun. They will delve into the mysteries of the Maya, touching upon their spiritual practices and history in the area, as well as present day problems modern Maya face in Mexico. They will also be visiting the historic town of Merida as well, one of the loveliest towns in the country. We will have slides as well as some arts and crafts to pass around. Both Matt and Gretchen have attended the Maya World Conference, a meeting of all the countries that have Mayan populations. So this will undoubtedly be a slide show and lecture not to miss!

Gretchen Kelly is the News Editor for Business Traveler magazine and the travel editor for Design Times magazine. Recent feature stories Gretchen has worked on include profiles of Buenos Aires (where she interviewed Eva Peron's living relatives), Aboriginal Australia and the story of porcelain from Dresden to Chungking. She is currently at work on a feature article about Jakarta, Indonesia. For those of you who did not meet Matt at previous meetings, he has been traveling since the age of twelve, when he boarded his family's boat for five years and sailed around the Pacific including the Philippines, Papua New Guinea, Micronesia, the Solomon Islands, and New Zealand, where he attended high school. He hasn't stopped since, having visited dozens of countries in Eurasia and living for a number of years in both Hong Kong and Hawaii, where he ran kayak tours and published the guidebook Rainbow Handbook Hawaii. He now lives in New York where he works with Arthur Frommer as Associate Editor of the magazine Budget Travel. See you all soon. Adios!

New York meetings are held at The Wings Theater, 154 Christopher Street (btw Greenwich Stand Washington St), to the right of Crunch Fitness, in the Archive on the first Saturday of each month at 4 pm.

The last meeting was on January 18th: Ann Dohler talked about her recent trip to Peru, the Galapagos and the Amazon. The next meeting is on Friday, March 15th at 8 p.m. Bruce Weber will be giving a “SAMPLER OF YUCATAN”.

For information on Ontario meetings, please contact: Svatka Hermanek: shermanek@schulich.yorku.ca or Bruce Weber: tel. 416-203-0911 or Paul Webb: tel. 416-694-8259.

Toronto GT Meetings are held on the third Friday of January, March, May, September and November. Usually at the Woodsworth Co-op, Penthouse, 133, Wilton Street in downtown Toronto at 8.00 p.m. (Wilton St is a very short E-W street south of and parallel to Esplanade, east of Jarvis – just around the corner from St.Lawrence Market)

It was a marvelous meeting: Chris from Austin did a first class slide show of the Greek Isles and provided a map for each of us so we would know where we were for each slide. We exchanged travel advice, ideas and materials. A bunch went to the Hoity Toit afterwards for a great time. 21 people attended the February meeting, 5 of whom were new. Once again, thanks to Pauline and Frommer for helping to publicise the Texas meetings – except, now Christina says she really needs a secretary!

In the March Globies, Chris will give a slide show of Turkey and tabletop discussion of 2/3 night great get-aways. After the meeting, for anyone who'd like to continue the discussions, we will adjourn to a local hostelry, to be advised at the meeting.

Meetings are held at 3pm at the New Braunfels Public Library, 700 E. Common Street in New Braunfels, Texas. The meeting ends at 5 p.m. If you would like to continue travel talk on a more informal basis, we plan to adjourn to the Hoity-Toit, a local New Braunfels establishment. If anybody would like to enquire about meetings or help Christina, please contact her on: texas@globetrotters.co.uk

Borough Market is the Beetle's second favourite London market.

It is a farmers market in south east London and opens noon- 6pm on Fridays and 9am-4pm on Saturdays – it is closed from Sunday to Thursday. It has a great atmosphere, the vendors are really friendly and you'll meet many local Londoners who live near by. You can easily spend an hour or two wandering around, even if you really don't want to buy anything! Parts of Bridget Jones Diary were filmed here.

You can browse amongst colourful and fragrant stalls selling flowers of all descriptions, coffees, fruit, organic raspberries, cognac chocolate truffles, piquant mango chutneys, obscure breads and cheeses, veg and meat. It's quite common to ask for free tasting samples! There are quite a few traders who specialise in organic produce. There are stalls selling non food products such as good quality home made candles and bric a brac.

If you are peckish (hungry), you can buy food at the market and there are a number of excellent pubs close by. It is situated between Borough High Street, Bedale Street, Winchester Walk & Stoney Street, Borough SE10 or for info on the web, check out (http://www.londonslarder.org.uk). The closest tube and British Rail station is London Bridge.

Visiting Borough Market could be part of a Saturday stroll around southeast London, taking in maybe the Clink – an old jail, Vinopolis, a wine tasting experience and there are some very old pubs en route!

Want to tell us about your local market? Contact the Beetle

Next month: Colombia Road Flower Market