Iris, a British lady of considerable character and pluck, is on a 23 week overland truck expedition from Quito in Ecuador to Caracas in Venezuela. After this, she plans to do a 3-month voluntary placement in Ecuador, and then visit Central America for another overland trip between Panama City and Mexico City, ending up with perhaps another 2-month voluntary placement somewhere in South America again. This amazing journey will take Iris one year. Here is an extract from Iris’ journey notebook.

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27^th November 2002

Arrived in Quito at 1730 local time. Met 4 people from Madrid, 4 more from the UK and 4 others at the hotel and today 7 of them plus me went to the Equator. It was really hot, sun beating down and some had no hats and were getting burnt up! On the way back, we had taxi race but my taxi lost! All told good flight and meeting some great people. Hotel okay – no spiders or cockroaches in sight! Everything very clean.

Pre-expedition meeting tonight – there are only 41 of us instead of 44 – I am on a truck with 20 others – does that mean I’m on my own in a tent? Will have to see! (Beetle: we’ll hear a lot more about this particular aspect of Iris’ trip!)

Left Quito at 1100 hrs after a frenetic time trying to get everything packed into that locker! 77cm x 40cm x 30cm seems a large space until you find it is made of hard wood! Everyone had similar problems to me, but I got mine in with little problems compared to others and some still haven’t managed to transfer their stuff to their lockers!! It’s 5 hours down to Baños, out first stop (still in Ecuador and we’ll be here in Baños for 4 nights.

Am sharing with an Australian lady, Judith – 3 yrs older than me but a kindred spirit. We did our exercises together this morning! Everyone on the trip is so friendly and we really enjoyed the trip down here together. The hotel is fine. It appears we will be staying in hotels most of the time at the moment. We’ve been given a programme for the next 8 weeks (54 nights) and are staying in hotels for 37 of those. Apparently we start camping after we’ve dropped people off in Santiago in Chile. We are all longing for the camping to start.

Weather here is changeable at the moment however as it is the rainy season and today we had our first real rain, which lasted all morning, but now the sun is out. However, Baños is nestled below an active volcano, which as I write is spewing forth steam! We saw it from all sorts of aspects as we approached Baños – I wrote in my journal that it looks so “innocently menacing”! Black and brooding above this small town. In the church there are countless paintings depicting disasters in the past, and when one looked at the earth in the banks on the way down to the town, it was black earth, obviously from previous laval deposits. We are chilling out here – all of us, recovering from the journey to South America and some of us had really fraught times getting here – Judith, my room-mate came from Australia via London and took four days of constant travel to get here hours before we were due to leave Quito! She is really jet-lagged and needs this time to recover.

Activities here are walking (I’ll participate); canyoning (abseiling, sliding down ropes and swimming) planned for tomorrow (definitely not for me – as Judith said, if it was the last week of the trip we might risk it, but this early in? No way!); mountain bike riding (ditto for canyoning!); rafting (ditto again). Most people, I think, just want to chill out and renew energy for the remaining 22½ weeks!

If you’d like to contact Iris, whether to wish her luck with her trip or to ask questions about her itinerary and places visited, I am sure she would like to hear from you. She can be contacted on: irisej2002@yahoo.co.uk

Madeira, Garden of the Atlantic: this is an island of incredible natural beauty. Everywhere you go roads and paths are lined with plants: bird of paradise, agapanthus, orchid, and hyacinths. The mountainous interior rises steeply from the coast, broken up by ravines and gorges with the sides covered in trees or terraces for agriculture.

There is a reason for this epithet, this verdancy; parts of the island get up to 2m of rain a year. So now you know the downside. For those scared of dissolving, the south side is drier especially through the summer months. However, what an island! I am no longer allowed to say awesome! So the scenery is amazing, the plants are amazing and the levadas (water channels) are truly amazing – human achievement at its best. Who needs to land on the moon? Some of the levadas cling to cliff faces, pass through tunnels (don’t forget torches), some twine through eucalyptus or tree heather or the Madeiran laurel forest, most have a fascination of ferns and mosses and agapanthus along the walls, sides and edges.

Our main reason for visiting Madeira was walking generally, but more specifically, walking the levadas. A system of watercourses channelling water for hydroelectricity and for agriculture, not an idea original to Madeira, but it is the accessibility of these levadas makes for some Awesome walking. Through some of the most amazing scenery while often in the shade and with the coolness of water flowing alongside. And they are flat(ish) but not for those who have a problem with heights or even a slight issue with heights. At some points paths may only be a foot to 18” wide and barriers, when present, are a single strand of flimsy fence wire. The other side of the path can be a drop of several hundred feet; this can be especially interesting when the path is rough and patchy or worn. However some levadas had a wide track adjacent, enabling two or more to walk abreast. The real disadvantage is that most of the levadas go somewhere, this means that without planning the walks can be “there and back” rather than circular, and those walks which are circular often involve a steep scramble up or down to levadas on different levels.

As a change from levadas walking, the interior of the island can be roughly divided into two sections, to the west is the Paul da Serra, the flattest section of the island at 1400m! This upland plain is reminiscent of Scotland and gives a wonderful sense of solitude and space. Eastwards are the jagged peaks of Pico Ruivo (the highest mountain on the island). The café at Pico do Arieiro (1800m and a good starting place for walking Pico Ruivo) served the best cup of tea of the holiday.

Although there are no beaches on the island, there are some rather fine lidos. Those at Porto Moniz at the north west of the island utilise some of the natural rock formations and are especially fine.

Other tourist attractions include the famed toboggan ride from Monte down to Funchal, the capital. There are also the botanical gardens in Funchal and the cable car ride from Monte to Funchal is recommended. Camacha village is famous for it willow work. Other souvenirs include the famous Madeira cake (nothing like the British sort!), Madeira wine, textiles and ceramics. The embroidery work is fantastic, but also available are woollens and throws. It is also possible to buy flowers (including the bird of paradise) to ship home in hand luggage.

We did a fly drive with Style holidays, with 3 pre-booked hotels (the Eira do Serrado in Nuns valley was wonderful, a hotel with vertigo!). Driving on the wrong side of the road was interesting enough without the hairpins and drops to the side. (It isn’t just the levadas, which cling to the side of hills!). We visited in December (the quiet season) and had one gorgeous day; one awful day and the rest were merely overcast with showers or sunny spells.

We used the Sunflower Landscapes book as a guide (www.sunflowerbooks.co.uk) and found it excellent (they also suggest driving tours). The “Danger of Vertigo” points were spot on. The directions, timings and parking were also good. We did walks 23 (totally awesome, but I did discover a fear of heights), one of the alternatives on walk 25, 29, 37 (brilliant and interesting), 36, and 39. Although these were mainly levada walks, all the levadas were different and provided a wonderful variety of scenery. We did meet a couple that said walk 12 should be dropped.

It was a great holiday and the final recommendation; Yes! I would definitely go back.

What have you seen on your travels? Drop a line to the Beetle! Beetle@globetrotters.co.uk

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If you enjoy writing, enjoy travelling, then why not write for the free monthly Globetrotters e-newsletter! The Beetle would love to hear from you: your travel stories, anecdotes, jokes, questions, hints and tips, or about your home town or somewhere of special interest to you.

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Please e-mail the Beetle with your travel experiences up to 750 words, or any other hints and tips or questions plus a couple of sentences about yourself and a contact e-mail address. Past contributors often contact the Beetle to say what fun it has been to correspond with others who have e-mailed as a result of their article appearing in the Globetrotters e-newsletter send in those articles!! Beetle@globetrotters.co.uk

The Beetle received an e-mail from a lady in the US who asked about good spots to learn to dive during a week’s vacation, close to the US. Below are some suggestions:

The Cayman Islands Cayman has fabulous blue water and good walls and healthy corals. So you will get excellent visibility, easy diving, good corals and some good fish life but you won't see anything “big” here. The diving is mostly walls with the odd wreck thrown in for diversity. If you learn here, you'll be spoilt for other places as Cayman really is the No 1 spot to dive in the Caribbean and the water is warm. The downside is that it is not cheap, and even more expensive are Little Cayman and Cayman Brac. North American tour operators can usually get you better deals than trying to book this independently. A good idea is to buy a copy of Sports Diver or similar magazine to look at ads for Cayman Island dive operators. Another disadvantage is that the dive boats tend to be something like cattle trucks, crammed with divers. This is not a nice way to dive. Small groups of divers are best, as you will find out!! Other things to do – well, actually, there's not really an awful lot to do apart from play golf, sit on the magnificent Seven Mile Beach, snorkel, swim and drink expensive cocktails. But it's all very pretty and safe for children.

Cozumel – cheaper than Cayman, and the best way to get to Cozumel is probably by buying a hotel and flight package. Cozumel, in Mexico, is an island close to Cancun and is primarily known for drift diving. Don't let this put you off, there are still plenty of good dives that are not scary. If you go to Cozumel on a package, it is easy to book diving separately once you have arrived. Here, normally smaller groups of divers are taken out in dive boats than in the Cayman Islands, although the majority of divers will be from the US. Other things to do – well, you can take a day trip across to the mainland to some of the Mayan ruins such as Chichen Itza, although it is a very long day. There are also golf courses and I believe you can windsurf. Probably the second best place to dive in the Caribbean.

The Florida Keys – there are some excellent dives around the Keys with just as good fish life as in Cayman! Aquanuts and Kelly on the key in Key Largo both come highly recommended. A downside is that the dive boats can resemble cattle trucks, so ask about numbers on the boat. By going to the Keys, you can do some shopping too, in Miami! Surprisingly decent diving – be careful that you go with a good dive operator; warmish water but lots of topside attractions with car hire. But be warned, Key Largo is a good 1 1/2-2 hr slow drive from Miami.

Puerto Rico – the diving here is not that great, but if you are going to learn, this is still not a bad place to learn as the other places that you go to will have better diving, so this is not a bad place to start off. An advantage is that it is relatively cheap. To get around Puerto Rico you must hire a car (the roads can be pretty bad in places, be warned.) There are plenty of things of interest to see and good day trips, including some good night life, good bars and restaurants, forts, shopping, parks, waterfalls etc.

Bermuda – not cheap, but perfectly manicured, very green and chocolate box pretty. The diving is probably the easiest of all of these destinations as you are unlikely to be able to get below 10 metres. As it is easy diving, it is a nice, safe and steady place to learn to dive. The main attraction here is the wrecks, all in shallow water and most decomposed and in various stages of almost unrecognisable to pretty good anchors and cannons etc. Bermuda also scores high on topside attractions, but you must hire a scooter (tourists are not allowed to hire cars) and explore the island. The water is not as warm as the Caribbean and it is expensive, although, if you live on the east coast of the US, Bermuda is only a short hop away.

Bay Islands Honduras – if you are feeling adventurous, there is some pretty good diving to be had in the Bay Islands off Honduras. Any of the dive magazines have ads for the Bay Islands so it is best to buy a package. There are three main islands: Roatan is a party island and the most touristy, but not massively so, Utila is the backpacker’s island and Guanaja is still fairly quiet. I would recommend diving off Utila or Guanaja. The Posada del Sol has good write ups and usually has good deals – look them up on the web! Good diving, although not as good as Cayman, still pretty decent and considerably cheaper. There is not masses to do topside, but you'll find enough, it's a different sort of place. English is spoken in the Bay Islands is, and all of the islands are much less touristy than say Cozumel so you will meet a wider mix of people in the Bay Islands.

If you live in the UK or Europe and are looking for a cheap dive estimation to learn to dive in one week, then I recommend the Red Sea. It is cheap (around £300 or $500 – £450 or $750) for one week's hotel and flights from London) and has good diving and also extremely good and safe good dive training. The dive specialists have some extremely good deals in the Red Sea right now, but obviously this location may not be the best place to go, depending on the political situation.

Venice inspires devotion and madness. I should know: I went there for a last-minute holiday four years ago and have ended up buying two properties. What is it about this city? I think there are three faces to Venice, and you can’t always be sure which one you’re seeing.

We all know the first face of Venice, the tourist Venice. The images of the Grand Canal, the gondoliers, the Carnival, are clichés that stare at you from paintings and photographs in a million locations. Not just in travel articles and television shows: a restaurant, an art gallery, an engraving on a pub wall – there the Grand Canal, here the Rialto Bridge. Of course I took these image in my head when I first went to Venice. I was not disappointed; they’re not a confection, but real, gloriously, deliriously beautiful views that crowd the city. Add to them the countless art galleries that depend on the visits of tourists and academics, and you have the tourist paradise, a Disneyland digest of European art history – which, as everyone tells you, is a ghost town and an echo of its former glory.

Except that they’re wrong. Yes, the permanent population of Venice may have declined to just a few tens of thousands. But it’s no ghost town: you cannot fail to notice the vibrant daily life of Venetians as they go about their daily business in the city. This is the face of the real, everyday Venice. Venetians haul heavy kegs of beer over bridges. They walk their dogs along the hard pavements of the fondamenta. They chug along canals carrying loads of bricks, mortar, cement, furniture and flowers. And above all they chatter to each other, on the bridges. In this city without cars, there is every chance of bumping into someone you know when you cross a bridge. So why not stay for a chat? In this second Venice, there is a far more obvious sense of community than in any other world city I have known. And being an island, Venice seems to breed a sense of huddle and bemused detachment, among its true-born inhabitants, as they contemplate the follies of the rest of the world. Their geography and way of life is unique. What is the rest of the world up to?

Against the real, everyday Venice I would suggest there is also a third Venice. I can call it the unreal city. It is the historical echo of the kegs of beer, barges, flood plates and all the outward signs of Venice’s contemporary uniqueness. You could call it tradition, but that suggests something dead. There is nothing dead about the cafes and bars where Venice’s peculiar seafood snacks are the everyday accompaniment to an “ombra”, the tradition of an evening glass of wine that goes back hundreds of years. Or the Burano regatta, where a tiny island with a population of just hundreds manages to put forward tens of people willing to practise for months to take place in a traditional rowing race. My favourite is the fish market: hardly known by tourists, this extraordinary riot, slippery mountains of silver and squid, takes place in the heart of the city, just as it has done for hundreds of years, and the housewives flock to it like the seagulls. Unlike many other cities, Venice has ways of life that are not traditions on life support, but which reach back and show the influences of hundreds of years of history in a unique, watery environment.

And then there are the buildings, which hover between the three Venices. The first time I went to the city, I assumed that if you were to pan the camera just a few degrees to the left from the tourist cliché shot, you’d find the necklace of ugly concrete that has blighted every other beautiful city from Cambridge to Bruges. Not so. Venice is composed of almost nothing but tall, elegant palazzos, strange seaside workmen’s cottages, and nineteenth-century apartment blocks. I have joked that the tourist books should create a walking tour that takes you round the five or six ugly buildings in the city, since they are its special rarity, much more remarkable than any palazzo.

These buildings clearly do much to present the tourist face of Venice. They house the art, they form the backdrop, and many of them are hotels. They are also the everyday real Venice, as the Venetians live in them, busily hammering away, painting, improving … and propping the more rickety ones up. And, especially at night, as their solitary shining lights are reflected in the misty or moonlit canals, the tall, narrow renaissance buildings are definitely the soul of this unreal city, whose past lives cheek by jowl with the present.

If you’re going to Venice, here are my recommendations for places to see the three faces of the city:

Tourist Venice: shy clear of St Mark’s (except on a summer’s evening, when the string quartets are playing), and instead of climbing its Campanile, climb that of San Giorgio Maggiore, looking out across the most famous view in the world from the opposite side of the St Marks basin. If you think a gondola ride sounds a bit too tacky and costly, take a traghetto, working gondolas that take you across the Grand Canal at points distant from bridges, all for the princely sum of 40 cents.

Real, everyday Venice: if you really want to see the nitty-gritty of how everything moves around the city, stand on the Guglie bridge between 08.30 and 09.30 on any weekday morning. You’ll see the commuters striding in, the huddled groups gossiping on the fondamenta di Cannaregio, and the barges will chug busily beneath you carrying everything the city needs to eat, drink and be merry.

For the unreal Venice, with history poking through the veil: the fish market runs from Tuesday to Saturday mornings at the Rialto, just inside San Polo. It’s likely to be winding down at 12 noon, at its peak between 9 and 10.30. Take an ombra (glass of wine) at the Cantine del Vino Shiavi at 992 Fondamenta Priuli, Dorsoduro, where the glorious, slow-moving days of la Serenissima (the Most Serene City) are still visible in this atmospheric cavern of fine wines and wonderful appetizers. The Burano regatta takes place on the third Sunday of every September and is a much more low-key affair than the Regatta Storica of the main city. Watch the young Buranese teenagers fooling around in their motorboats to impress the girls … For moonlit walks, try the calmness of Fondamenta della Sensa in Cannaregio, as you make your way to the lesser-known church of Madonna dell’Orto.

Jonathan’s two homes in Venice are available for holiday rental: see www.visitvenice.co.uk

Mr Kishore Sinh Parmar of Milestone Holidays kindly wrote this piece as a general guide to India. It is a huge and diverse country so this quick guide is helpful to give the uninitiated a taster of where to visit.

Gujarat, situated on the western coast of India, in between Mumbai (Bombay) and Rajasthan, is a very interesting state. If you want to go beyond history than the temple of Somnath was there to witness the creation of the Universe and Lord Krishna too has many events in his life in the state. Amongst the Fairs and Festivals Gujarat has many in its Temple towns and small villages. They offer a chance to see religious festivals and celebrations and also provide an opportunity to see the finest examples of local handicrafts. For the pilgrims you have temples such as Somnath and Dwarka, amongst the most sacred for the Hindus, besides the Girnar and the architectural grandeur of Palitana. The navratri festival is the most colourful and eagerly awaited and girls & boys dance all through the night in colourful attires. The Tarnetar fair too is a very colourful fair usually celebrated in the first week of September. The Kite Festival on 14th January every year too is usually eagerly looked forward to. The State has a colourful heritage of Handicrafts. The finest handicrafts come of course from the Kutch region. The embroidery work is the most well known. The state is home to a large number of Rajput Royalties, with some of the most beautiful Palaces at Baroda, Jamnagar, Bhavnagar, Bhuj, Mandvi, Morvi, Dhangadra, Palitana,Chotta Udepur, Jambughoda, Bansda, Bala Sinor, Utelia, Poshina etc.

A large number of them have been converted to Heritage Hotels. It is also the home to India's largest wildlife sanctuary with an area of over 5,000 square metres of the Indian Wild Ass. The Sasan Gir Lion Sanctuary is the last habitat of the Asiatic lion-a species that had become almost extinct at the beginning of the century. The Rabari tribe here still pursue a pastoral lifestyle-much in the same way as they did eons ago. It is perhaps the most colourful sate in India

Rajasthan, is India's ambassador of Art, Craft, Culture and Heritage, Rajasthan sheds its topography of lean and dry sketches of sand dunes to the golden hues of ancient citadels and a taut landscape dotted by people dressed in blazing colours. Throughout Rajasthan the forts, palaces and temples have been abundant. Lacquered brassware holds pride of place in Rajasthan handicrafts. Rajasthan jewellery is almost synonymous with precious stones and Jaipur, the capital of the state is considered the largest lapidary centre in the world. Jaipur the capital was built in 1727 and popularly known as the Pink City in reference to the pink coloured walls and roofs on the main streets in the ancient city. Among its architectural feats are the City Palace and the Palace Museum. Jodhpur belonged to the largest princely state of Rajasthan and founded in 1459. It is a sightseer’s paradise with the Mehrangadh Fort. The Umaid Bhawan is one of the grandest palaces in the country. Udaipur is better known as the City of Lakes is studded with well preserved palaces, beautiful gardens and placed blue lakes. The State offers an ” enjoy-our-royal past” experience unmatched anywhere in the world. The State has amazing palaces, havelis and forts most of which have been converted into luxury hotels. The Palace On Wheels takes you on a splendid and enchanting royal journey through the state to a bygone era of the erstwhile Maharajas. The Seven Night-Eight Day journey cruises along in a Royal style. Rajasthan is one of India's prime tourist destination, offering the travellers a potpourri of visual, culinary, spiritual and cultural experiences

Kerala,the land of green magic, is a narrow fertile strip on the southwest coast of India, sandwiched between the Lakshadweep Sea and the Western Ghats. Rice fields, mango and cashew nut trees and especially coconut palms all dominate landscape. The ” National Geographic Traveller ” after two years of research chose it as one of the 50 places of a lifetime. Kerala was listed as one of the ten destinations in the ” Paradise Found ” category. Truly Kerala is the stuff that dreams are made of. Over 5 million tourists from all over the world visited the State last year. Thanks to the 600 km long coastline that extends its entire length, 11 of the 14 districts have a beach to flaunt. Serene beaches, Emerald backwaters. Lush hill stations and exotic wildlife, breathtaking waterfalls, Ayurvedic health holidays, enchanting Art Forms, Magical Festivals, Historical and Cultural monuments, an exotic cuisine all making Kerala a unique experience. An experience that lasts a lifetime. So pack your bags and head for “God’s Own Country”.

Goa, has long been renowned for its natural beauty, palm-fringed beaches, paddy fields and dense coconut groves that form the basis of a landscape rich in variety and colour. Here you will find a State unlike any in India, where four centuries of Portuguese rule have left their mark in the form of imposing coastal forts, grand houses and whitewashed baroque churches. It is basically divided into North Goa and South Goa. Goa is a shopper’s paradise. Goa is your gastronomic oyster: Goa has enjoyed a prominent place in the travellers' lexicon for many many years

Contact : Mr Kishore Sinh Parmar, Milestone Holidays, 216 Centre Point, 2nd Floor, R C Dutt Road, Alkapuri, Baroda 390005 ( Gujarat-India ) Tel–91–265-2333366-2355383 Fax –91–265–2355383 milestoneholidays@yahoo.co.in or kishoresinhparmar@yahoo.co.in

NM-ftv invites applications from interested individuals or professionals with experience of creative writing, multimedia, film making, direction, sound, camera, set design, story telling journalism, anthropology or any other art form who are interested in living and working in Pakistan for a short period: from 2 weeks to six months.

We invite any filmmaker, multimedia designer/artist, script writer, anthropologist, musician, poet, cameraman, sound expert etc to travel to Pakistan with a specific idea in his/her mind to produce a film /multimedia project on culture, environment and social development. NM-ftv will provide the basic facility of living, and equipment for filming (pre-production and post-production) and machines for multimedia productions.

In return NM-ftv will expect from the guest professional or participant to contribute the same amount of time to NM-ftv students that he spent on filming or other creative project. NM-ftv will also be the partner in that proposed project.

This is a good opportunity to experience a different culture and to explore the mystery land of Pakistan where we have variety of weathers, large deserts to highest peaks of the world like K-2. (Pakistan has 42 highest peaks of the world out of 50 in Himalaya and Karakoram mountain ranges.)

Please see www.nmftv.edu.pk for the film school details. NM-ftv is the first film school based at Lahore-Pakistan and it is a project of Gandhara Foundation Pakistan (a non-governmental organisation, visit www.gandhara.org)

UK low-cost airline Ryanair announced recently that it has put in an offer to buy smaller rival Buzz for £15.6m; $25.7m. Buzz is currently owned by KLM Royal Dutch Airlines, flying to 21 destinations in France, Germany, Holland and Spain, and, like Ryanair, who currently operate a network of 100 routes across 15 European countries is based at Stansted airport, north of London.

It looks like the UK low cost carriers are beginning to consolidate. Last year, we saw Easyjet buy Go, the British Airways owned low cost airline. So now it seems that there will only be two main low cost carriers in the UK, as opposed to the four we had last year.

The deal is expected to be completed by April 1. Details of new timetables, fares and new routes and frequencies will be announced before the end of February. If the deal is successful, Ryanair said that it would cut a number of Buzz's unprofitable routes, while increasing the frequency on 11 of its existing services from Stansted, including Frankfurt, Milan and Barcelona and reducing the cost of other routes.

Ryanair is on a bit of a high recently, as it recently announced it was to open its ninth European base at Stockholm's Skavsta airport. They also announced five new routes from London, starting at the end of April that are to include Reims and Pau in France, Maastricht in Holland, Haugesund in Norway and Dusseldorf in Germany. In addition, Ryanair are about to buy 22 Boeing 737 planes and had taken out options on a further 78 in order to meet its expansion plans.

The Beetle liked Buzz. They were the last low cost airline that had not sunk to the usual low cost “standard” of pile ‘em in, give ‘em no service. Anyone interested in starting a Save Buzz protest?

Submitted by Frank from the US.

Actual comments from US travel agents:

I had someone ask for an aisle seat so their hair wouldn't get messed up from being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Cape Town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with “I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts. “Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, “Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape Town is in Africa.” Her response?… click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, “Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.”

I got a call from a man who asked, “Is it possible to see England from Canada?” I said, “No.” He said, “But they look so close on the map.”

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, “I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time.”

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!