“Ladies and Gentlemen do you want the good news
first or the bad news?

“The good news is that last Friday was my birthday
and I hit the town and had a great time. I felt sadly let down by the
fact that none of you sent me a card! I drive you to work and home each
day and not even a card.”

“The bad news is that there is a points failure
somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means that we probably
won't reach our destination for a good ninety minutes yet. We may
have to stop and return. I won't reverse back up the line – simply
get out, walk up the platform and go back to where we started. In the
meantime if you get bored you can simply talk to the man in front or beside
you or opposite you.”

“Let me start you off: “Hi, my name's
Gary how do you do?”