After a particularly rough
landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a Flight Attendant on a Northwest
flight announced

“Please take care when opening the overhead
compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has
shifted.”.

From a Southwest Airlines employee:

“Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat
belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle,
and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if
you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.

In the event of a sudden
loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop
screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have
a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with
theirs. If you are travelling with more
than one small child, pick your favourite.”.